I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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