Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
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