i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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