I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I smell stomach acid.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
