you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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