This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
