Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
