Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
