$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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