nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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