I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
