Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
