Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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