I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My breasts were aching with rage.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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