So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i think i have herpe
just one?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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