she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Jerry, you need to find god
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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