My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
