I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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