You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
