my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
