If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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