remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
