Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
