Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
