I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
