every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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