Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
