Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
