I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
