Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
