Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i think my tv is drunk
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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