Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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