This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Dignity is for republicans.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
