theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
