i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
