So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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