It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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