Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
