Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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