She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
