eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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