there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
