Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
