What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
