i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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