So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
