You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
