he shaved USA in his pubs
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
