And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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