i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
