Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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