her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
