Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
