The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
